The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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