Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
