She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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