I think my fart just growled at me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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