My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
