I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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