So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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