dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
