I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
