Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dick very happy bro
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