hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
