She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
