very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
