I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize