Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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