I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
