Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
