Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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