Nicole vs. Life
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
