So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
