Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
