the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
