dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
