I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
