woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
