The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
