I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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