I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you will always have a special place in my vag
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
