Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize