There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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