i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
