The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
