Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
