I accidentally had phone sex last night
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
