But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
