No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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