Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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