Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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