90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
