I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
