Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
