Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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