When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
