i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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