Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
