I skipped work to stalk him.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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