I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
