soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
