Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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