whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
