We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Im part way to drunk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
