Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
