do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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