Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize