It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
