Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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