I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
