Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
