dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
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I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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