Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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