No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you traded sex for a burrito?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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