my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
