Pappa wants mamma naked
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
