I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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