I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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