Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
