i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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