Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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