Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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