you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
