His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
