so explain again why im purple
no
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
