you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize