Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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