I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
