There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
