Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
