There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
