i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
