Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dignity is for republicans.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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