Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
