the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
